The sooner this is over the better, so…..
No One Cared…
I spent many months and went to several different GI doctors. All I wanted was for someone to take my case. I still needed treatment for something I still did not know for sure what it was. If the diagnosis was right then I needed continued treatment for Crohn’s.
I had a list of seven GI doctors that I made appointments with, called, or saw. Most of the ones I did see was unable to get my medical records. They would call and talk with the other GI doctor while I’m in the room. Then come in and tell me they could not see me as a patient. Some would send the nurse to say the doctor wasn’t taking new patients. I got months of these rejections.
I finally went to a doctor I had gone to early on during this process. This is someone who I saw once. I was hoping he would remember me plus other doctors that I spoke with had full schedules. I figured they would treat me as an established patient. He did recognize me. Came in to speak with me first. He asked what was going on and I told him. I showed him the last discharge paperwork and all of the prescriptions with the other GI doctor’s name on it. He told me that his staff requested the records but the other doctor requested a phone call. He said while he was waiting on the staff to get him on the phone, he figured it would be a good idea to speak with me.
I showed him my prescriptions so he could gather what I was being treated for. He assumed Crohn’s based on my discharge paperwork having Crohn’s and IBS written on it. I told him that no one would see me as a patient and I’m not sure what that doctor was saying to everyone except he never told me I had Crohn’s.
By this time that jerk of a quack (in place of the name) was on the other line. I waited about ten minutes or more. Doctor came back and told me he refused to supply the medical records. He also said he would not be able to see me either. I looked at him with tears in my eyes, this time out of anger, said I didn’t know where else to go and I need to know what he is saying. First, the doctor told me that we never had this conversation. Second, he told me I don’t know what you did to piss him off or make him not like you but he has a grudge against you. The doctor said he told him the same thing about how he never diagnosed you with Crohn’s, only IBS and that you were having depression issues. I told him you had the discharge paperwork and prescriptions that indicated treatment for Crohn’s. Then he says he thought it was Crohn’s early on but BEEN changed that diagnosis to IBS.
The Doctor told me something is going on and he does not know what it is. He says he does believe me but did not want to get involved. He told me to find someone beyond that doctor’s reach to help me. He said to find someone that has no ties within Herman memorial system. He told me that he also requested the hospital records and when he did not receive a fax he called and was told there is no record of me ever being a patient there. All he could say is that this was beyond him.
Angel in the mist
Sometime later despite my calling… oh and screaming and crying… she came back. Put me back on a saline drip. Told me that she had called the GI doctor several times and then called the general doctor listed on my chart. After hearing from the general doctor he reactivated the IV but refused to give me any meds.
I finally explained to her what I was given and that I was here 3 days. I was weak and had no idea how long it took me to explain things. I think she prayed for me then she left.
Of course I called several times and each time she stuck her head in and said she was waiting on a call back. She came back at some point giving me pain and nausea meds. I asked if it was one time dose and she told me it was every four hours. You have no idea how relieved I was. She explained that she had to call another doctor on the floor who basically replaced the general doctor on my chart.
She was definitely my guardian angel that day. All I wanted to do was get away from that man and out of that hospital. I was able to leave the next day. I didn’t know what his plans were for me if I had stayed. It was what movies are about, not my life. A real horror story happening to me. I don’t remember what he said for sure when he came by to discharge me. He directed the conversation towards my family and what ever he said struck a nerve with them. I told them to never bring me back here again.
I immediately requested my medical records from the hospital and directly from the GI doctor’s office. Normally the hospital would confirm by fax and the doctor’s office would call when the records were ready for pickup. The hospital went from the records weren’t ready yet to there was no record of me ever being there. Then there was no record for me ever being at any hospital under that doctor. His office gave me the run around for months. Even paid the $10 bucks. An hour drive every time and yet still no records. The doctor even refused to see me. I finally asked for my money back and even that took an act of Congress.
I even went to my General doctor’s office to request for the records that I knew I brought there. Every time I went to the hospital I picked up the records from the GI doctor’s office and delivered them to the general doctor. I did this to make sure I had access to my records. All of that and the general doctor’s office refused to give them to me. Suddenly they had a policy not to release records from other doctor’s. Never before but during that time period it was. I tried to see the general doctor to ask why. Waited an hour and I watched home leave out the back door.
I spoke with a clinical therapist at a much later time, who informed me that the doctor who comatosed me was trying to prove he was right. He was trying to prove I was addicted to drugs by doing a detox. I was told 3 days would normally get you out of that sick painful feeling.
Unfortunately for me, when he realized he was wrong he tried to cover his tracks. He told people what he wanted them to hear.
Just to break the monotony
Original by KNTC
Why do people like you exist
Am I just a diagnosis to you
Do you look at me and see dollar signs
You tried to kill me
Both metaphorically and physically
How many people have you turned away
Looking at them like their just some ‘I’ve fallen and I can’t get up’ epitomes.
Do you sleep at night?
Do your nightmares not hunt you?
They should, remember you tried to kill me.
You even tried to silence me.
You tried to take away my sanity
Then your ethics
YOUR ethics
Allowed you to blacklist me
Others of you
Many others of you
Thank God for me
You didn’t kill me.
Someone else saved me
Someone else took the time to treat me
They may not be what I hoped
But they aren’t you.
I did not cease to exist.
I fight everyday for my life.
I fight everyday for my health.
My records disappeared
Or so you thought
You wanted me to go away
To cover me up
You and YOUR board
And then charge me for the privilege.
Remember dollar signs can leave a paper trail.
Instead I’m out here
I’M OUT HERE
I’m out there knowing what you did to me
Knowing what you could have done to others.
Everything in the dark comes to light.
It won’t be long now.
Monotony. Monotonous.
Not anymore.
Psycho continues
This psychiatrist was asking me questions and I was asking for pain and nausea meds while falling asleep. I just didn’t know. He tells me who he is and precedes to say, “you don’t need anything else”. “You’ve had too much as it is”. I’m gonna tell them to discontinue everything. I tell him I haven’t had any pain meds and he tells me I’ve had pain meds since I’ve been in and had some two hours ago. I freaked and said look at my chart I’ve been sedated. My family told me I was out for three days. I was accused of lying and he told me the doctor said I had been on Demerol and it’s evident, it’s too much.
The psychiatrist went to pull the chart and it wasn’t there. Shortly after a nurse came in. She said everything had been discontinued. Even the IV fluid was the last bag.
My worst nightmare. It didn’t make any sense. Why would someone do that to me. We’ve never met before. What could I have possibly done to you.
I started vomiting every few minutes until it was more often. Remember I’ve been on IV fluids for at least 3 days not to mention I had been vomiting for hours prior to my arrival at the hospital. Obviously I wasn’t throwing up food. You never know what people are capable of until it happens. I was still in shock. I didn’t know what to do.
At this point I went from praying to pleading with God to send help.
The night nurse was strict. She came in and introduced herself and let me know that nothing was ordered. I still kept hitting the buzzer telling her that I was still throwing up and it wouldn’t stop. I didn’t know if I had her as a nurse already until she later told me that she did not know what I was on before.
Ethics…never
I got sick again and while in the ER the GI doctor suggested that I was in withdrawal and said something about three days. Told me and my family that he could give me a sedative along side the pain and nausea meds. Said it should work better and give them time to figure out what was going on without me being in pain so much.
Lie…lie…lie… this so called doctor put me in a coma for three days. Never gave me pain meds. My family had a difficult time seeing me that way because I was clinching my fists in my sleep and tossing and turning. It was clear I was not resting peacefully. Whenever I would start to wake up the nurse would just knock me back out. Three days of your life gone without any memory of that time. Then to wake up in pain and groggy. Wondering what was going on.
A psychologist or psychiatrist came to my room.( the day I was woken). I was still in and out of sleep and in severe pain. The GI doctor came by briefly and stated he would have someone evaluate me before giving any meds. At the time I wasn’t sure what that was about and apparently my family did not know because he told them things were good but I was still detoxing.
The therapist came in and for one I thought it was a general doctor not a psychiatrist.
Cliff Notes…
As I said cliff notes version. My story is a span of 30 years or so with a huge focus on the last 20 plus years. This is a blog not a book so… While at the particular hospital I received a diagnosis of Crohn’s. (I put the diagnosis as it may be relevant to some.) Apparently at the time it was an up and coming way to arrive at that diagnosis. I had never heard of it then and didn’t understand. Truthfully I didn’t care when I was told, all I wanted was to feel better. It took days for this diagnosis. Test after test, people poking on me and pressing in my stomach all while I was sick and hurting. I believe it was coming up on 72 hours of pain beyond level 10.
I was given the meds for crohn’s prior to leaving, and my other symptoms were under control. I read up on the disease and realized that it never goes away. You just have to take meds, vitamins, exercise, and diet change, and hope it gets under control.
So, almost 2 full years of being in the hospital more than I was out, I asked for surgery, which is a huge deal. Bowel resection to remove the infected piece. I didn’t know what else to do. It just didn’t seem like anything was working.
To put things in perspective, I got sick my senior year in high school. A year later I got sick freshman year in college. Which is difficult due to finals. Plus I was a biology pre medicine major. It’s hard to miss class. By my sophomore year I had a ‘significant other’ six months later I got sick again. Then three months later sick again. It was extremely difficult for school and for a relationship. At this point things kind of just went down hill.
Crazy thing is college years were great for me. I was working out, in organizations, being more social and just enjoying life. Plus I enjoyed traveling with the gospel choir. So getting sick regularly was difficult.
Anyway after those two years and me pushing for surgery the doctor started saying he didn’t think that was causing my problem but something else was going on too. I wasn’t really getting straight answers anymore and when I saw him in the office he always laid out a plan but in thy hospital was different. I wasn’t in a good place to absorb information during a hospital visit so he spoke with my family. We were all so new to this. We were trusting then and relied on the doctor. Plus Internet was not as prevalent then.
Anyway by the two and a half year mark. This doctor had convinced others that my crohn’s was under control and I was hooked to the meds and making myself sick. He said I was depressed and started putting irritable bowel disease on my discharge papers next to the Crohn’s diagnosis. This is when things went wrong and I didn’t comprehend what was happening then nor did my family.
